July 17th Friday.

Its 5:49am. Ive been awake since 4am because my naughty kitten started to knock stuff off my dad's urn in my bedroom and then I couldnt fall back asleep, so its an early start for me. My brother has not long been with my delivery of Pepsi Max. He comes every Friday early whilst hes at work with my pop. I have to have fizzy pop in the house all the time, it gets me through my sobriety. Not healthy I know, but its better than me drinking alcohol. 

Jasper is having the best time in Portugal, I keep messaging him.

Ive weighed myself this morning and ive nearly lost a stone in 2 weeks. Jensen and Jesse had a takeaway last night and I said no because i was fasting. Im fasting from 7pm to dinner time the next day and calorie counting. This weight should start to drop off. Im excited to be losing weight. I know im cheating with the Reta injection, but ive tried everything to lose weight without it. My weight has come from the Olanzopine. I want to lose 5 stone. 

Im probably going to need a nap later on today with being up so early.

A photo of Jay-Dee and Jensen came up on my memories from when they were in Primary school and my heart broke all over again. Ill post the pic at the bottom. Jensen is the one with long hair. My beautiful boys. Oh how I wish things were how they use to be, I miss having my 4 children around me. Jay-Dee is so deeply missed.

Not a day goes by where I dont think about him and my dad. I know ill get to see them both again one day, ive just got to ride it out until I die. I can do this!