May 30th Saturday.

I had my brother here yesterday from about dinner time till 7pm ish. Was a good day, kept my mind occupied. Today, ive been nipping in and out of the front garden trying sort it out. My arms are aching from using the hedge cutters. Im waiting for my canvas arrive of Jay-Dee that I ordered, it should of been here 2 days ago so im not happy. Ive got a big canvas of Jay-Dee up in my living room and im putting little canvases of him around it. Breaks my heart that all I have left are photos of him and my dad. I miss them both with all my heart. A few of my friends have asked me to go The Man In Space tomorrow for a meal, so that will be nice. We went there a few months back and the mixed grill was lovely. Be nice to have a catch up with them. I hate having to do life without my father and son. I feel guilty for doing things without them both. Im trying so hard to live, but everyday my heart hurts. In 3 days time it will be 2 years without Jay-Dee, it will also be my sisters birthday. We're meant to be meeting up Hanley for a catch up and a coffee, but ill see how I feel that morning. 2 years without my child. Life is so hard without him and my dad. Just got to keep going for my living children. Jensen has made himself a doctor's appointment, hes depressed. Jasper's depressed. Im depressed. Jay-Dees death has destroyed us as a family. My dad's death changed my life, I was never the same after his death and then my son died and im completely lost. Anyway, going crack on with my front garden.