September 23rd Tuesday.

Had my first session of trauma therapy this morning. Really didn't want to go, was so nervous, but I pushed myself to go. It went ok. I'll stick with it for the 8 weeks and we'll see if my mental health improves at the end of it. Straightened my hair yesterday, not done it in ages and I can't believe how long my hair has got. Its down my back. Still keep thinking about going short with it. I dunno. Ive got naturally curly hair so its just a nightmare straightening it. I love it when its done, hate doing it. Ive been embracing the curls the past few weeks. Just been letting it dry naturally over night and clipping it up. I'm not feeling too bad today, Jensen picked me up after therapy and we nipped Asda get some snacks. Jasper is here now, he's not gone college because he's not very well. I'm meeting my sister tomorrow for a coffee, not seen her in ages and she's going through a break up so it'll be nice for us to meet up. Don't know what we're having for tea tonight. Sick of thinking everyday. Tempted get a take away, can not be bothered to cook today. Was thinking earlier about the trauma ive endured, my dad dying, my cancer, my son dying, all within a few years of each other and it really has been traumatic. Ever likely I can't function properly. We were talking about intrusive thoughts in therapy and I was thinking how I have them everyday. Living with intrusive thoughts is a nightmare. Its like my own mind just wants me to die. I wish my brain would be happy about being alive. We'll get there though, im determined to get better. I'm a strong woman. Ive got this..