September 10th Wednesday.

Been big Asda this morning with my friend, Kayleigh. Brought Jesse some new slippers and socks, and did some food shopping. The little Asda i go daily doesnt have clothes so it was nice go the big Asda. My friend drives. Did I tell you ive packed my driving lessons in for a while. I can't afford to drive and pay for next years holiday, so I had to make a choice and I chose the holiday that I was already paying for. It'll be worth it come next July. Just me, Jesse and Jasper on a little holiday to Magaluf. Google Katmandu where we'll be staying, its amazing. I went a few years ago but Jesse was only 2 or 3 and it was the best holiday. I'm excited but by God am I nervous. Anyway, its 10 past 3 and im waiting for school to end at 3.20 so I can wait for Jesse to get home. Jasper's been home on his dinner break at college because he had 2 hours until his next lesson, so he cycled home. Was lovely seeing him through the day. Mental health isn't too bad today. Ive been thinking of Jay-Dee and my dad, but that's nothing new. I smelt Jay-Dees lock of hair I have to see if I can smell him, but I can't and that makes me sad. But im ok. Ive got this. Its raining and poor Jesse didn't go school in a coat so he's going be cold and wet when he gets home, so ive got the heating on and his slippers and pjs ready for him to change into. You know what, I absolutely love being a mum. I adore my children. My reasons to live. Everyday I get up for them. Ive told myself Jesse isn't having any time off this term until they break up in October. His attendance last year was poor so im going try my best to take him everyday. Some days are harder than others, but im going to keep pushing through. Even on my low days, i still keep going. I'm meeting my sister Friday. I want a new tattoo, im thinking of having 444 tattooed on my neck. Ive got 11:11 tattooed on the outside of my right wrist. They're Angel Numbers. I remember months ago blogging about Angel Numbers and how i see them everyday. They tell me im on the right track and to keep going. You probably think ive gone mad, that's fine, because I think it too. Not sure what im doing for tea today, the cupboards and freezer are full so ill let Jesse choose something. Even after having a good day, im still heartbroken that my son is no longer here. I do pray that he's with my dad.