April 5th Easter Sunday.

Gutted me not buying Jay-Dee an easter egg when I brought his brothers one. Its the little things that hurt the most. Im watching something called The Cleaning Lady on Netflix and there's a man in it called Jay-Dee. Thought I was hearing things at first, but the more the name was said I realised he was actually called Jay-Dee. How crazy is that. Ive stripped Jesse's bed and washed his bottom sheet. Ive binned his quilt cover because ive brought him a new coverless duvet to put on. Im getting him back into his own bed, i want my bed back. He slept in his own room last night, so i thought it was time to make it all cosy for him with new bedding. Ive got no plans for today, just watching this on Netflix and have a chilled out day eating chocolate. Its my nephews birthday Tuesday and my sister is doing a bbq so that will be nice, just hope the weather is nice for it. Its currently hailing and raining, it looks miserable outside. Ive just put my heating on because im freezing. Dreamt about my dad last night, I remember going to ring him and i woke up and realised it was a dream. I miss them both so much. Why did they have to die, my heart hurts so much. There's not going to be a day where I dont miss my father and son, i know that. I didn't blog yesterday, I had nothing to say. Ill be glad get back to the achool run now, I need get back into a routine. Not going lie, im enjoying sleeping in till 10am, but my days are boring. I need a money tree so I can afford to do day trips. I need a job, but im fucked in the head! God I wish life was like it use to be before all the trauma. I was so happy and outgoing, then my dad died, then i had cancer, then my son died. 

2020 my dad died

2021 I had cancer

2022 I quit drinking

2023 I had a breakdown 

2024 my son died

2025 I dont remember 

2026 trying not to kill myself

Its been a rough few years.. 

Ive realised im made of strong stuff because how the fuck have I not killed myself already??