Cancer, Depression and Me.

Well what a year.. Hands down the worst year of my entire life. I'm seeing a psychiatrist on January 13th so fingers crossed I can get the help I need and start to enjoy life. I can't wait to wake up 1 day and feel happy to be alive.. here's hoping 🙏🏼  My life will never be the same again now my dad isn't here but I just hope 1 day I find some happiness from inside. I'm doing the Dryathalon for Cancer Research UK, so all of January Zero alcohol will touch my lips. I want to throw myself into fundraising in 2022, I want to raise as much as I can for Cancer Research. I'm doing it for dad & for the fact I'm still alive after having cancer and to be told mine could come back is always a worry,  so here's to raising as much life saving money as possible. 2022 I'm coming!💗 Happy New Year to you all & stay safe xoxox 

2 days ago was my dad's 57th birthday & a year since his funeral. What a year I've had, hands down the worst year of my 37 years of being alive. I've wanted to unalive myself so much but I reached out to professionals & finally im getting help 🙏🏼  I don't want to die but, I don't want to live like this. After dad dying & my own cancer, I didn't realise how bad my mental health had actually got. It took for me to completely withdraw from life for me to ask for help.. I went a good 3 weeks, without bathing, washing my hair, some days I didn't brush my teeth. The housework felt like it was too much to deal with, everything got too much & I just wanted to end it all but I didn't, the reason I didn't is my 4 boys.. If my mental health is this bad, how could I unalive myself & my boys end up feeling the way I am if they were to lose me!? I've now spoke to a psychiatrist & I have a face to face January 13th 2022. Surely the onl

For some reason I can't upload videos.. So the video was basically me, crying, hit rock bottom 😢  I had two choices going through my head.. Suicide or getting help.. I chose the latter.  It will be a year for my dad tomorrow, I've got a doctors appointment Tuesday and bereavement counselling assessment Wednesday.  I can do this!! Next year when I watch that clip back I want to be in a happy place xoxox

Not been on here for a while, I'd say the past 3-4 weeks I've hit rock bottom with my metal health. I feel like I'm rapped in a dark hole I can't see a way out of, it's not a nice place to be. I made a video about a week ago of just how low I was feeling & since then I watched it back & some days are hard & some days I say to myself 'get dressed & get some fresh air'..'get out of this house Ann-louise'. It really is easier said than done though! I've started having panic attacks when doing the school run, I won't leave the house to go the shop alone. Sounds dumb right? Yeh I know but I can't stop what's happening. It's torture, this isn't living life, this is serving & trying my damn best to be "happy" In 4 days it will be a year since my best friend, my dad took his last breath 💔  As the year has gone on its gotten so hard to come to terms with the fact, I will never see him again until my time

How long does the grieving process last? Asking for my self... It's over 11 months, nearly 12 months, nearly a whole year with no dad. November 15th will be 12 whole months of having no dad, no best friend, no soul mate, no one to sit next to my bed when I'm too depressed to get out of it like dad has before, no one to ask me 'mushy peas, why have you cut yourself' 'talk to me', no one to help with my boys, no one to listen to AC/DC with, no one to hug me when I cry, no one to take me to appointments and wait for me to make sure I'm ok and take me home, no one to collect Jesse from school, even though he had cancer and couldn't walk whilst I was at work, no one to call every single day to make sure I was ok because my dad knew how bad my mental health is.. No one.. Treasure every moment of life, like I did with my dad because he was 55 years old and to be taken away that soon makes me so angry and sad. When my dad died, I died inside.

Always struggled with depression but the past 12 months has been so hard, my dad died aged 55 from Esophageal cancer and 5 months after his death I was diagnosed with cancer. After my dad's death, the day I collected his ashes I took enough prescribed sleeping tablets to kill me.. I was sedated & put on breathing equipment... I'm still alive and thank god I am for my 4 children. I struggle every single day with the darkness in my head, I cry to people but they don't understand but I'm still here and still fighting 💗 Stay strong even on the darkest of days xxx

Just sitting thinking after my dad was told he only had months live, how that must of felt.. How when I asked him, what type of funeral he wanted, how he must of felt. I'm sat thinking, how the fuck does anyone answer them questions?? I play the songs he wanted and I remember tears just running down my face, I had to ask but it was the hardest thing I've ever done. It's been 10 months 2 days without you dad & my heart hurts more every single day 💔