March 1st Saturday.

Had a bad few days, my son is on my mind alot. I feel so fed up and run down.

I'm going church in the morning, I feel like I need to be there. I need to be with my church family. I always feel better when I've been church, so I'm hoping it helps me mentally. 

I've not really done much these past few days. My brother visited yesterday, like he does every Friday. I was going go see my mum today but Jesse wanted a day on his computer so we didn't end up going.

I've got my friends coming tomorrow afternoon when ive been church so that'll be nice to see them.

Mentally I'm not in a good place. I just want life to get better, I've had enough of feeling the way I do. 

If I didn't have my kids I'd be dead already. They're the only thing to keep me going.

Makes me sad how depressed I am. I feel like death is the only way to end my suffering, but as I've said before, I can't leave my kids so I have no choice but to keep waking up everyday and carry on.

One day I'll write a happy blog, I'll write about how much I've overcome and how happy I am. I'm hoping that happens anyway. At the moment I don't see a happy ending and that makes me sad.

I've just got to carry on getting through each day.

I'm not thriving, I'm just surviving.