February 23rd Sunday.

I saw every hour on the clock Friday night, I couldn't sleep. I couldn't switch off, my sons funeral song was playing over and over in my head. All yesterday I spent under my blanket on the settee. I tried to nap but still couldn't switch off it was horrible. Thankfully I slept better last night but Friday night was absolute torture. 

I know my mum sleeps shit so I was messaging her at 3am and she was awake too.

Jesse's back at school tomorrow, how fast has this past week gone. Crazy.

I think to myself often, how are my dad and my son gone forever. It still doesn't seem real that I'll never see them again. It plays on my mind. Ever likely I can't switch off at night. Grief is hard. I can be fine 1 minute and the next I can feel depressed. 

I know it's something I've got to learn to live with, I know this, but some days are harder than others.

I've got no plans for today. The weather is rubbish. I'm sat wondering what I can do to pass the time away.

I'd love nothing more than be able to just stay in bed but I have Jesse I have to get up for. Living is hard work.

I'm definitely dieting from tomorrow, I need to lose some weight so we'll see how it goes.

If it stops raining my friend is going walk across to visit me so that'll be nice.

This past week I've done so well at keeping busy and now I'm sat with nothing to do. This is when the grief hits me.

I'm not feeling to bad mentally speaking, yesterday was a hard day but that's because I didn't sleep Friday night. My mind was on overdrive. 

I lay on the settee tired all day and I could see the sun was shining. Gutted really because I could of taken Jesse the park or something and now today, when I'm feeling better it's raining. Typical.

Haven't been to church today because I really needed a lie in. I was desperate for sleep and like I say, thankfully I slept better last night.

Sundays are always going to be a hard day because my dad and my son both passed away on a Sunday.

38 weeks today since my son tragically passed away. It's not getting any easier.

I see his face in the Chapel Of Rest and it kills me inside. It's an image I'll never forget. Seeing your child in a coffin will haunt me forever. 

Anyway, I'm going have some breakfast and a cup of tea. Enjoy your Sunday.