February 17th Monday.

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Yesterday when Jesse was with Damian I went to visit my mate Rachael and today I've been to visit my mum. I'm getting out of the house more which is good. I've got plans everyday this week which will be good. Jesse is going Alton Towers tomorrow for a sleep over with Damian so my sister is cooking me my tea. Wednesday I'm going my mates for dinner. Thursday I've booked Just Kidding with my friends from school, which will be nice for us all to meet up and then on Friday my brother visits. So this week won't be so bad. It does my mental health the world of good getting out of the house. I have anxiety but I push through.
I've just got to keep pushing through and try to get better.
I'm fine once I'm out of the house, it's when I'm stuck in my mind goes on overdrive. 
It was 37 weeks yesterday since my son passed away, Sundays are a hard day but going to visit my friend took my mind off things. I know he will always be on my mind, but some days are darker than others. I'm so glad I've made plans for this half term or I'd go out of my mind being stuck in this house. Jesse is excited for his sleep over at Alton Towers and when he's happy it makes me feel happiness. 
Saturday was a shit day for me, Jay-Dee was constantly on my mind all day but I got through it. I'm getting stronger everyday and I'm proud of myself for not giving up. I'm proud of myself for not hitting the bottle. 
I dreamt the other night that I started drinking again. How weird. I do miss it some times, I miss my old life, but the old me is dead. This new version I'm becoming is a better version of myself. 
My children are my priority and everyday I live is for them. 
Don't get me wrong, I'd still like to pass away in my sleep but until that happens, I fight another day.

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