January 8th. Wednesday.

Yesterday was an extremely difficult day for me. I didn't think I'd make it to today, so I rang the crisis team last night because I needed to talk to someone.

I lay in the bath and all I could think about was self harming, but I didn't do it. Thank god.

I had alot of people praying for me yesterday and I'm so thankful.

I did the school run this morning and went straight back bed and spent the day there until it was time to pick Jesse up.

I can't believe how unwell I am mentally.

My dad's death destroyed me, but having a child pass away is by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

I've got some friends coming soon for a cup of tea and a chat which will do me good.

I'm so glad I reached out last night for help because I'm not sure if still be here today if I hadn't of.

The crisis team at the sutherland center have rang me today to see if I'm ok and honestly, I feel a bit better than I did yesterday. 

I'm literally living hour by hour, day by day.

I'm going to get through this, I just need help along the way.

Jesse keeps asking when are we going on holiday. He doesn't understand how mentally unwell I am because I still do everything for him. He needs his mum so when he's around me I try to just act normal. What ever normal is, but you get what I mean.

I broke my heart last night to Jensen and Jasper. They told me I can do this after I told them I couldn't. 

My boys are the only thing keeping me going.

Anyway, I'm still alive and that's the main thing.