January 5th Sunday.

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My brother came to visit yesterday but he only stayed an hour or so. He'd had a drink before he came and it made me feel uncomfortable which I think he knew. Don't know why but I can't be around people who are drinking. .
Sunday today and I've been Manchester with my boys. It's been good to get out of the house, I hate being in the house and I don't know why. I felt myself having a small panic attack whilst we were out today, I don't know what's wrong with me. Is anxiety part of grief? 
I don't know how I'm ever going to get better mentally. I'm having anxiety attacks about starting driving lessons.
What is wrong with me?!?
Back to the school run tomorrow,  I'm dreading been by myself when the kids aren't here. The routine will be good for me but in-between the school run I'm going to be sat on my own, and that's not good.
My ex Zoe has invited me this week for food and I'm not sure what to do. My anxiety is killing me off. It'll be nice to catch up with Zoe, even if just as friends.
We drifted apart when I stopped drinking alcohol.  My whole life changed when I stopped drinking. Some times I think sobriety adds to my depression. I feel like I don't fit in anymore. I know if I started drinking again I'd kill myself so I have no choice but to stay sober, you see.
Alcohol is a depressant and I'm already depressed so I have no choice but to stay sober.
Can't wait to see my friends at the cafe in the morning.

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