January 3rd Friday 2025

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So I've been to the cinema to watch the new Lion King Mufasa. It was on for what felt like forever, 2 hours is a long time but I enjoyed the film. I went with Jesse, my sister and her 3 kids. We then walked into town where I got Jesse a new hair cut and brought some essentials.
I was stood in the bakery and a man started a conversation with Jesse and gave him a sweet. He said is it just the 1 you have and I said no, I have 4 boys. My heart sank, I wanted to tell him how 1 of my boys lives in heaven but I just kept it to myself. I will always be a mum to 4 boys even though 1 of my sons lives in heaven.
Anyway, im back home now doing some washing. It's been a nice day. I'm trying my best to get out of the house more. I meed to keep busy to keep my mind occupied.
When I'm sat on my own I just sit thinking of Jay-Dee. Oh how I wish things were different but they're not, and I need to come to terms with the fact I'll never see Jay-Dee again until I die.
I'll be honest, I can't wait to die but I know it's not my time yet. I can't see me living to an old age. I'm just living each day waiting to die. Every day I get through, is a day closer to seeing my dad and my son again.

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