January 27th Monday.

I went out Saturday, only for a couple of hours. The food was lovely and I enjoyed being out of the house. Yesterday I went to see my friend so it hasn't been a bad weekend. 

I don't know why but I hate been stuck in the house. My mind goes on overdrive when I'm sat on my own. I guess that's normal under the circumstances. 

Wednesday is fast approaching and I'm so nervous. I'm nervous but can't wait to learn how to drive. It will do me the world of good I know this.

I've started eating meat again after being a vegetarian for 3 years. How strange how the body changes. I was craving bacon so I ate bacon, and I'm so glad I did. Bacon is delicious. Bacon and cheese oatcakes I've just eaten. How did I go 3 years not eating meat?

I've not long got back from the cafe. I go every morning and have a cup of tea and a chat with my friends.

I'm not feeling to bad today mentally speaking. 

I was thinking this morning, how are my dad and son dead? It just doesn't seem real, but it is real and I've got to try and carry on living without them. It's hard you know. It's hard living a life when all you want to do is die. I saw a poem yesterday about death and I related to it so much. I can't wait for it to be my time to die.

Grief is heavy you know, I carry it with me everyday and it's hard work.

I'll post the poem at the end of my blog.

My brothers just nipped in to drop my medication off whilst he's at work. He collects it for me on the days my anxiety is bad. Is this me now, on medication for the rest of my life? I hope not. I hope one day I'm better and I can help other people who are feeling the way I do. I hope someone reads my blogs and realises they're not alone. That's why I blog, in the hope to reach people that are suffering like me.