January 18th Saturday.

I've not blogged for a few days as I had nothing to write about. All I ever do is blog about how depressed I am.

I've had a better week, my friends have been a couple of times to see me. My brother came yesterday for a few hours.

It's done me good seeing people. I go the cafe every morning to see my other friends. Its not been to bad mentally speaking. The weekends are always hard because I don't leave the house much. Anxiety with depression is horrible. 

I've been take the dog for a walk so Jesse could go out on his scooter. He went Damians last night in the hot tub with Mabel.

I'll be honest, I don't know how I'm getting through each day, but I am and that's the main thing I guess.

I pray alot for strength and I've got some really good friends that support me.

I've never got much to talk about anymore, I've got no interest in life, its pretty sad.

I honestly wish I'd just die in my sleep.

I was walking Asda the other day and a lorry drove past me, and as it was coming upto me I thought about stepping out infront of it. I clearly didn't because I'm still here but I thought about it for a split second. Mental health sucks!

Jensen isn't going Colombia anymore, I'm not sure if I've already said in my previous blog, but I'm happy he's not going now. I prayed that he wouldn't leave me. I'm gutted for him because it would of been amazing for him to have that opportunity, but I'm happy at the same time because he's staying here with me. Visa's are not easy to get.

Jasper will be here later and it's our take away night so I'm looking forward to seeing him. He lives with his dad but I see him everyday.

I need to make an appointment with the opticians because my eye sight is getting bad, I can't see the writing on my phone if my phones to close to my face, I have to hold the phone away if you know what I mean. I'm 41 now so it must be old age setting in.

I'm meant be going for food next week at some point with Zoe, I've not seen her for ages so it'll be nice to meet up. I've seen her on video call but not in person. I'm already getting anxiety about meeting her. 

Why am I suffering with anxiety? I've not got a clue!.

Well, I'm going do some washing and find a movie to watch.