December 23rd Monday.

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Christmas eve eve and I've never felt less chrismassy. I feel so alone and isolated. I miss my son and my dad so much. It hurts at Christmas when you've got loved ones in heaven.
I've got go last minute shopping tomorrow for the rest of the food shop. I've got everything in for dinner but we need cakes and a cheese board, and stuff for breakfast Christmas morning.
2 more sleeps and it'll all be over and done with.
My heart hurts. My son should still be here. I use to visit my dad every Christmas day, every single year. Christmas hasn't been the same since he passed away, and now it's my first Christmas without my son. 
It's been 29 weeks, that's 7 months without my son. I've got no recollection of the past 7 months. Life is a blur, I don't know how I'm getting through each day if I'm honest.
7 months without one of my children.
I'm stressing about Christmas dinner, why I'm stressing I don't know because it's basically a Sunday dinner ill be cooking.
I froze my joint of beef when I brought it last week and put it in the fridge last night,  in the hopes of it defrosting by tomorrow so I can cook it Christmas eve. Stressing over a joint of beef. Fuck my life!
Honestly, Christmas needs to just be over already.


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