December 16th Monday.

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So, I did everything I planned to do today.
My mind has been completely occupied all day. I went the Christmas concert and sang my heart out, I was so nervous.  My palms were sweating, I felt my face burn up,  but I did it and I'm so proud of myself.
Everything was going so well until the end of the concert, a teacher said sorry about my son and I cried. I know this will happen alot, probably for the rest of my life.
Jasper came to the concert and I felt like I could of burst with pride singing infront of one of my children. Jesse was on the stage too singing with the rest of the children from school that came.
I felt proud tonight, proud that I didn't let anxiety win. Proud that I was part of a Christmas concert when I'm not feeling chrismassy at all. I even wore a Christmas jumper. But most of all, I'm proud that my children are proud of me.
I know my son would of been watching me from above, I just hope he's proud of me.
Using the word proud alot tonight which is a positive thing. I'm really trying my best to defeat depression. I don't think I'll ever get better after losing my dad and son, but I'm going to try my hardest and that's all I can do. I just need to take life, day by day.
I've got this.

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