December 15th Sunday.
I got up and went to Church this morning. So glad I went, it clears my mind.
Cooked Jesse a little sausage dinner and that's about it. I do so well when I'm out of the house and then I get back home and it hits me all over again that my son is dead.
1 more week of school runs and then Jesse breaks up for Christmas.
It's the Christmas concert tomorrow night at St Mary's and my anxiety is through the roof. Don't know why. I know ill be fine so why am I suffering with anxiety?
I've got to just keep pushing through each day, I know this. I literally live day to day.
I can't wait get into bed, I hate being awake.
How am I feeling today? Honestly, I think I'm ok. I've not felt suicidal today, so that's a plus.
I've got a busy day tomorrow, I've got rehearsal and dinner tomorrow with the choir, straight after I've got afternoon tea with Santa and Jesse-John and then tomorrow night I'm at St Mary's singing. I'm shitting myself if I'm honest. It's my 3rd year and every year I'm nervous.
I know ill be ok and ill force myself to go. I refuse to let anxiety rule my life, so I fight you see. I fight for my life.
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