November 30th Saturday.

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I don't even know what to blog about, I'm so depressed. I'm sick of being depressed. I cry every single day. I have to try and keep busy to occupy my mind.
I wrapped a few presents yesterday but my heart is not in Christmas at all.
I've done some cleaning today, as soon as I sit with my thoughts, I'm sad. I'm so desperate to get better mentally. 
It's December 1st tomorrow and I couldn't feel less chrismassy. I've put some Christmas lights around my sons urn, it literally breaks my heart that he's no longer here. 
I pray that I get through these hard days. I pray for strength but there's only so strong one person can be. I wish I could just end my life and be done if I'm honest.

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