November 26th Tuesday.

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Cut myself a fringe in today, I was bored, at least I didn't shave it all off which I've been tempted to do again. Yes again. I did a Britney a few days before my Dad passed away which is just over 4 years ago. My hair is down my back now, it's not been cut since I shaved it.
I've washed, dried and straightened my hair today to see if it'll make me feel any better and it hasn't.
Only now I'm sad but with nice hair.
I could cry, my eyes keep filling with tears and I have to tell myself, not to cry.
I cry alot.
Understandable considering I've lost my father and my child.
I'm determined to get better mentally! I just know it's going to take some time.
Jensen came back from London with a big pile of washing for me so I've been doing that today, in-between cutting my hair.
How am I still alive? I amaze myself at how strong I am because there's been so many times where I've wanted to end it all.
Everyday is a fucking battle, but everyday I show up and I try my bloody best to stay alive. 
The strength a mother gets from her children is amazing. My boys are the reason I'm still here and everyday I'm thankful to have my children.
I can't bring my Dad and Son back, but I can fight everyday to stay alive because I know that's what they'd want me to do.
Living is hard work but I'm not about to quit. The only way is up when you've hit rock bottom, right?

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