November 14th Thursday.

Good morning.

I can't quite believe it will be 4 years tomorrow since my dad passed away.

I'm not sure how I've made it through the last 4 years. 

It will be 6 months this Sunday since my son passed away.

Not sure how I'm still alive if I'm honest.

I honestly don't know how I'm getting through each day, but I am and that's the main thing isn't it?

I'm sad all the time, even when I smile, I'm sad. It's never going to change is it?

For the rest of my life I'm going have to take things day by day. 

Anyway, I've been Asda like I do most days and I've walked my dog.

I'm cooking chilli for Jensens tea and myself and my youngest 2 boys are having an afternoon tea that's being delivered at 2pm.

Rev Rob from the school came to me last week and gifted me a voucher for an afternoon tea for 2. He said he wanted to give it to someone that deserves it and they chose me. How lovely is that.

The way Jesse's school have supported me since my dad's death and now the death of my child, it truly is an amazing school.

I've had many of breakdowns at school and the staff have been amazing. I'm blessed.

I might not think it some days but I am actually living this life. I'm getting through each day and I get up every morning and try my best.

Jensens gf arrives in the UK tomorrow for 15 days. He's got so much planned to do with her. He makes me so proud.

My heart aches for my child that is no longer here. 

I really am trying my best to get better and I know it's going to take time.