November 10th Sunday.

Another Sunday, they come around so fast. Another day closer to seeing my dad and son again. Some days it still doesnt seem real that my son is no longer here. I remember feeling like this for a long time after my dads death. I miss them both more than life itself. I feel so lonely. The weekends are so hard. Life was never meant to be this way. I shouldnt of lost my dad to cancer, my son shouldnt of killed himself. But its happened, and now I have to work out how to live again.. Im so lost in life. I do my final session of my bereavement course tomorrow, I feel like I may need more couselling at some point. I do take alot from my counselling, I know theres all different phases of grief and I can revisit anyone, at any time, over and over again. Its knowing that some days will be worse than other days and I have to remind myself of this, often. Life is so hard. I put a smile on my face when I see anyone outisde of the house, but when im home alone, im breaking inside. I find myself sitting staring at my sons urn. This blog gets me through some tough days. Washed my hair today, we all know how I feel about washing my hair. My hair is coming out in small chunks, its not strands here and there, im losing alot of hair. Can grief cause hair loss? All I know is, im close to shaving it all off! My sons girlfriend comes Friday, all the way from Colombia. Jensens hoping to be moved to Colombia before Christmas. Im really going to miss him. Itll be like losing another son. Ive told him hes to ring me everyday. He said he'll be back after a year or so. God I will miss him.