October 4th Friday.

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Im not who I was and I dont know who I am anymore.. I feel so very lost in life. I just stared at myself in the mirror and I was disgusted in what I saw. The weight gain from the medication and Menopause is unreal. I stared into my own eyes and saw nothing. I died inside the day my father died, and I went to a whole new level of death, when my son died. I didnt think anything else could be worse in my life, than my dads death, and then my son died. Then my son went and left me.... He knew I was struggling but he left me anyway. He left me behind. I was fighting my depression for my 4 boys and then one dies. I am a broken woman. Ive lost my identity, but how do I find myself again? Please, someone tell me how?? God, how am I making it through each day? I am stronger than I think, clearly. My strength comes from my children. A piece of my heart is in heaven with my dad and my son. People say, the grief stays the same forever, but you learn to grow around it. How do I grow, when im so very lost in life? I really am taking life, day by day. Step by step. Slow and steady.

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