October 29th Tuesday.

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Jesse went a Halloween thing Sunday with Damian, at Trentham Gardens and yesterday I spent the day with my sister, carving pumpkins with Jesse and my niece Athena. Myself and my sister did each others hair and watched a horror and today I've literally just battled with suicidal thoughts. I keep having visions of me hanging. When I'm stuck in the house I have to battle with my own thoughts. My mind needs to be occupied all the time. 
I need a hobby don't I?
God I hate being alive.
I've just had to drag my dryer outside because my new one comes tomorrow. 
Yes, my dryer packed in a week ago. I've been drying my washing on the radiators. It's been a stressful week.
Crazy how much we rely on things like a dryer.
I don't feel too good today, my friend was meant to be coming who I've not seen for ages but, I've been awake through the night with a bad stomach and really bad acid.
Anyway, I might be having a shit day but, my hair looks good I guess.
I was thinking of starting crochet? I watched a video on YouTube the other day for beginners. I dunno. Just trying think of something to do when I'm trapped in my own head.
I'm really not enjoying being alive at all.
I don't think I'll be happy until I see my son and my Dad again.
I keep nipping into Jesse's room, I just sit on the bed and remember Jay-Dee.
Anyway, I'm going to buy a beginners crochet set off Amazon, I've decided.
I'll keep you updated as to how it goes.

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