October 20th Sunday. 20 weeks.

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Havent done anything this weekend except grieve. I know it going to take time, I know that. Its 20 weeks today, 5 months since ive seen my son. Where has the past 5 months gone? I feel so sad inside, I just want to sleep forever. I look and feel a mess. My whole life is a mess. Im not sure how im going to get better, mentally. Is this me, forever now? Is this how life is going to be? Every waking moment of the day, thinking of my child and all the things that could of been. I dont think it matters how many days or weeks its been, I dont think you can just move on in life, after the death of a child. I know its still early days, I have to remind myself that, but living is torture at the moment. Im not enjoying anything about being alive. My life is like a series of unfortunate events. Things can only get better now, surely? Ive got to wash my hair today, I HATE washing my hair. Honestly in 2 minds whether shave it all off!! I just hate my hair, I dont know why. It just falls out loads and its made me hate it. Fucking Menopause!! Fuck my life!!!! Im just having a shit few days/life, cant seem to catch a break, you know, I just wish something good would happen. Something positive, that would be nice. Anyway, im off to wash my hair.

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