September 7th Saturday.

Spent the past few days feeling lost, im so sad and misserable. I tried my gym leggings on this morning and they still fit, so thats a plus I guess. I start the gym Monday, I feel a bit anxious about it but I know it will be good for my mental health! Im going try calorie counting from Monday and just try to eat better in general. I need to start cooking more and im going to try my best. Its just so hard somedays to feel any sort of motivation. It will be 14 weeks tomorrow since I lost my first born son, it hurts every single day, I wake up and he is still gone. Ive been taking my dog out for walks more and its doing me good. If im honest, ive been trying my best with life. Im trying to do more than I was to help myself get better. I really have to push my self somedays to even get dressed. I feel better now Jesses back at school, last week went so fast. Im wishing my days away, I dont even want to participate in life if im honest but I have to. Jensen got back from Colombia yesterday, was so good to see his face. Hes asked me to make a chilli for him and thats what ive done, its all ready for him for when he gets back from the gym. I bloody love my boys, they really are the reason I wake up everyday.