September 30th Monday. My sons birthday in heaven.

Today is a hard day, my first born child, turns 22 in heaven. I am heartbroken beyond repair. My heart aches for my child. What id give to see his beautiful face just one more time. Had to force myself go the gym today, I just wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep the day away. Do I feel better for going the gym? Absoloutely not, but I went anyway. Jasper has come home from college after an hour because hes too upset to be there. It is a shit day for us all! I woke up this morning, I sat on my bed and was in two minds whether take Jesse school or not, but I got up and took him. Wouldnt be fair for him to sit at home and watch us all be sad. Hes better off in school. Proud of myself really for getting up and taking him, and then going the gym. Ive been the shops for stuff for tea and ive decided cook a chilli, Jay-Dees favourite so only seemed right to cook it. I havent really got much to talk about today, I feel a bit numb. I dont feel myself today, just wish it was bedtime already. Its only dinner time and ive already had enough of today. I went the cafe this morning to see my friends, but I didnt stay long. I had no conversation in me, so I left my friends early. My friends are so supportive and loving. Im blessed to have them in my life. Hug your children tight because I miss my son so much and life is too short. Tell people you love them before its too late. The last message I sent my son, said I love him, that gives me some comfort at least. God I wish hed of reached out to me. Id give anything to turn back the hands of time. Today is a bad day mentally, im filled with sadness.