September 2nd Monday.

Here we go again, Monday. A brand new week of hanging on by a fucking thread! I feel a bit run down today, ive a massive spot on my head that looks like ive been shot, if only.. I dunno, I just feel a bit lost in life. I cant quite figure out where, or even if I fit in to this life. Oh everyday is a struggle, im just fed up of feeling the way I do. Jesse goes back to school tomorrow so im hoping life becomes a bit more bareable. My friend has asked me to join the gym with her next week, the gym could be good for the old mental health I guess, so why not. Cleaned my bathroom today, looking around my house I can see ive let my house and myself go. The past few days ive been doing bits of cleaning in each room to try and get back on top of things. Im just taking things day by day. When you get the urge to kill yourself on a daily, cleaning isnt at the top of my mind, surving is and if thats all I do some days, I know thats ok. Im not looking forward to my 7am alarm tomorrow but I am looking forward to getting back into a routine of some sort. The 6 week holidays have flown by. Im not even sure how ive made it through them, but I have and thats the main thing isnt it? Jesses gone bowling, Jaspers on the pc upstairs and im sat on my own with my own thoughts. 13 weeks without my son. To lose a child means you lose your mind. I dont recognise myself anymore, I look in the mirror and the person staring back at me isnt me. Im so lost.