September 25th Wednesday.

Went to the gym this morning and then attended a bereavement course. 2 hours a week on a Wednesday for 7 weeks.

Think it's going take more than 7 weeks to fix my grief. I don't think I'll ever not be grieving. I've lost 2 people that mean the absolute world to me. I don't know how you get better after such tragedy. 

On the course I told them, how guilty I feel over my sons death, how I'm beating myself up thinking, could I of done more?

I also told them, that I know this is a stage of grief and its good that I recognise that.

I had counselling with Dove Bereavement after the death of my father and I took so much away from it, so I'm hoping this new bereavement course I'm doing now, helps.

I'm hoping to come away from the 7 week course feeling better, or at least a tiny bit better.  Can't hurt to try can it?

Of course I've broke my heart today talking about my dad and son. I'm definitely a cryer. Feels good to cry and just let it all out. I feel better for talking in a group about how I'm feeling and listening to their stories. It's really helped me even though I'm feeling emotional, it was good to talk.

I hope one day, I can help people grieving. I'd love to be able, in the future, tell my story of what I've overcome and to tell people we do get better. I want to help people who are suffering like me.

Depression is real and I'm living proof. 

I just know one day, I'll write a happy blog and share my happy journey with you all.

I prey for anyone that is going through what I am, because depression and grief nearly killed me, but nearly 4 years on since my dad's death, I'm still here fighting.

It's clearly not my time to die.