September 23rd Monday.

Been the gym this morning, this is my 3rd week and I've been to 8 gym sessions. 

I'm aching so it means it's working.

Someone at school said they don't know how I'm coping and to be honest, nor do I.

I don't know how I'm getting through each day. They said they were proud of me for not drinking and that meant the world to me. Then I just went emotional and cried.

Grief is sneaky isn't it. I've been fine all day, and then boom, someone comments on how I'm coping and I just cry.

Grief is tiring, my sole is tired.

I'm still grieving my dad's death and now I'm grieving for my son.

I didn't think life could get any worse after the death of my father, how wrong was I.

Losing a parent is hard and I mean hard, but to then lose a child, I can't even put into words how hard it hits. I feel numb daily, some days I sit and expect my son to come walking through the door after work, but he never does.

I miss the little things like washing and drying his work stuff or making his packed lunch. God I miss my son so much.

Trying to carry on with life when all you want to do is die, is hard work.

I wake up every morning and realise I didn't die in my sleep.

One day I'll be happy won't I?