September 16th Monday.

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I've been the gym alone this morning, doing things alone is a massive thing for me because my anxiety is so bad some days.
My arms were still hurting from Friday, but I pushed through and did more weights.
I did so well last week with my diet and then I ruined it Saturday and Sunday because I'm a pig. But anyway, it's the start of a new week so back to the calorie counting. 
I'm always going to feel sadness but I'm trying my best to do life, regardless of how I'm feeling.
Life really is shit isn't it?!
After going the cinema yesterday to watch the new Beetlejuice with Jensen, last night I watched the original Beetlejuice with Jasper. God I love my kids.
Thankful I had Jay-Dee for 21 years.
It will be Jay-Dees 22nd birthday on the 30th of this month,  I'm dreading it. Its going to be a hard day. He had so much more life ahead of him, my heart aches.
What I'd give to hear his voice and see his face.
He still hasn't visited me in a dream yet and that makes me feel sad. I just want to see his face.
I've had cottage cheese on crackers for my dinner and I've got brocoli and Stilton soup for tea.. how fucking depressing!
I've got so much weight to loss I'm going be healthy eating forever. How boring is my life. I don't drink, I don't smoke and now I'm healthy eating.
God give me strength. 

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