September 15th Sunday.15 Weeks.

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It's been 15 weeks since I lost my child.
Can honestly say, it isn't getting easier.
I miss him so much.
I've been to the cinema today with Jensen to watch the new Beetlejuice. 
It was brilliant, took me back to my childhood watching the original. 
Then he treated me to a McDonald's (back on the diet tomorrow).
I absolutely LOVE spending time with my children and I feel blessed that they actually want to do things with me. Jay-Dees death has brought us closer as a family. Oh, my heart hearts. I'm filled with so much love and so much sadness all at the same time.
Every likely my head is a mess. My emotions are all over the place.
We're back from the cinema now and I'm sat alone, feeling sad. Jesse's out having fun with Damian, Jasper is online with Jensen and as I sit alone, it hits you all over again, that one of my children is dead.
I fucking hate life! 
I can't wait go the gym in the morning, take my mind off everything. 
You know, I came down through the night, last night, 3 times for a drink.. how thirsty could I of been to get out of bed 3 times for a drink? Jeeze.
Anyway, I'm just doing a load of washing so I'll be back tomorrow. 
Take care x

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