August 7th Silent Tears.

I cried silent tears in bed last night, I didn't want to get out of bed this morning but I have no choice.

I've had to wash my hair today and we all know how much I fucking despise washing my hair because of how much is falling out.

Honestly can't stop thinking about shaving it all off. I hate it!

I mean, would I regret it if I shaved it off?

It's down my back now my hair is and I've grown to hate it.

I'm not a girly girl, so I don't curl it or what ever, it's usually in a bun ontop of my head.

Typical lesbian I hear you say haha.

But seriously, the amount of hair I'm losing makes me sick.

I'm using Plantur39 which is for hair over 40 and for people going through the Menopause. Both of which I am.

I've had a bath and got back in pj's today, I don't feel upto leaving the house. 

My son Jasper isn't dealing with his brothers death very well, he messages me at night telling me he's struggling and it breaks my heart for him. I know exactly how he feels and its just heartbreaking.

I'm glad he feels he can confide in me about how he's feeling. It's good to talk.

I have this blog to get all of my feelings out and it does me the world of good.

We are all going to be sad for the rest of our lives aren't we?

I still ask 'Why' everyday. Why would my child leave me? What must of been going on in his head? It's torture. It's always going to be torture until I see my son again and the only comfort I get is knowing my son is with my dad and I'll see them both again one day.