August 3rd Dreaming.

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I dreamt about my dad last night. Like always when I dream about him, he still has cancer and is poorly. Hes always at the end of his life in my dreams and I carry him. What does this mean? Why am I not dreaming of my healthy father? Hes always so fragile in my dreams. Im still waiting for Jay-Dee to visit me in my dreams. Im desperate to see him again. Ive woke up feeling unwell, I feel so tired today. Do I go my mums or just stay indoors today? Im so tired of life. Im the kind of drained that sleeping doesnt cure. A few weeks ago I ordered a ring for myself and a comfort pebble for Damian that will contain our sons ashes. They are being delivered Tuesday, I cant wait wear my ring and have my son with me 24/7. Im hoping it brings me some comfort. Ive just had 2 keyrings delivered for my keys and Damians keys with a photo of Jay-Dee. My heart just keeps breaking. Everyday is a battle. Honestly I could cry at how mentally unwell I am. Im just exhausted by life. Anyway, im going force myself to visit my mum. Itll do me good wont it.

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