August 31st Saturday.

Yesterday my brother came to stay for the night, hes always has so much to talk about, and I listen, I smile and I talk with him, but the whole time I sit there and I could cry. I put on this brave face with a fake smile, but im drowning in grief. I keep asking myself, what can I do to deal with the loss of my son, and theres nothing I can do except ride it out. Im grieving and I just need to grieve. How can I get better mentally? I mean, what am I meant to do? I dont know, do you? Ive been to the shops today and then taken my dog for a walk with Jesse. First time ive left the house all week. 2 more days and the kids start back school. Back to normality, well as normal as things can be.. I see my psychiatrist in 4 days, im going to ask her for more grief counselling as I think I need it. I had counselling with Dove Bereavement after the death of my father and they even extended the sessions because I needed it. It helped alot and I took away so much from the sessions, I just feel like I need some extra help with the passing of my child. I was destraught over the death of my father, I still am, but, to lose a child, it has mentally destroyed me. Jesse is going out with Damian soon and I think myself and Jasper are going go out for some food which will be nice. Can I be bothered to go out? No, but this house is consuming me. I need to get out of my own head! Ive been quite productive today, even got washing pegged out on the line. Some days I do stuff and some days in sit in silence.