August 28th Wednesday.

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I took Jay-Dees pile of clean clothes to his room today and it broke me. I sat on his bed and cried. Why would he leave me behind? 
After I'd had my daily cry, I decided to start getting my house in order, so I cleaned the living room. It's only one room but I had some energy from somewhere.
I'm a cluttery person, I've realised, and I'm very laid back. I'm not one of these people that clean everyday, I'm too depressed for that shit.
Jay-Dees room needs cleaning but I can't bring myself to move any of his things, it kills me being in his room even for a few minutes. 
I'm ready now for the schools to open back up so I can get back to some sort of normality. Only another 5 days to go.
I miss seeing my friends at school, we have a cafe at our school, so we all meet up in the morning for a coffee and a chat. It does me good.
I bet there's loads of people like me who are severely depressed and feel isolated when you don't leave the house. That's what I tell myself when my days are filled with sadness.
I have Jasper and Jesse with me but I feel a bit lost with having Jensen in Colombia and Jay-Dee in heaven. I was so meant to be a mum of boys. Them boys are my life, they're the reason I'm still alive today and they don't even realise it. I tell them I love them all the time because life's too short not to say them 3 little words 'I love you'.
We should tell people more about the love we have for them because tomorrow is never promised. 
God I'm such a morbid depressed person.
What a fucking ray of sunshine I am...
Someone tell me what is my purpose?

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