August 24th Saturday.

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Got up this morning and got myself dressed ready to go my mums, then she cancelled on me saying shes tired. Could of really done with the company but oh well. Seen as I was already dressed, I took my dog for a walk and then it rained on me.. Im back home now and back in my pjs. Ive found a film on the firestick and thats me for the day. Its one of Jay-Dees best friends birthdays today and ive seen on facebook that theyre going Creamfields. It broke my heart because I know my son would of been going with them. My heart breaks everyday. Im heartbroken everyday I wake up and my child is no longer here. How am I feeling? Im so misserable, ive got no life inside me and im sad. Everyday I wake up, is a day closer to my death and that gives me something to look forward to. I dont want to live till an old age, I dont want be in a care home with someone wiping my bum. No thank you. I dont want to die today because id leave my other children behind, but also, I do want to die because I get to see my dad and my son again. Its a shit situation isnt it..

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