August 21st

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Ive gotten out of the house today, ive been to visit my sister. We talked and I cried. Is this how life is going to be? Crying everyday! Im back home now and I feel ok. Im sad, but im better than I was a few days ago. I could of so easily of killed myself a few days ago and look at me today. Still hanging on by a thread but im not suicidal today. Honestly depression will be the death of me I just know it. I got my hair done today, if youd of seen the state of it. It was desperate. Ive really let myself go. I dont know how im going to get through this tragedy, but I know im a fighter that just refuses to die! Its days like today that im not suicidal, keep me fighting on the days that I do want to die. I have to tell myself over and over that im going to be ok, but deep down I think im lost forever. It took me 3 and a half years to start learning to live with my fathers death. Now my son is dead, im not sure how you deal with losing a child. I feel like ive lost my mind. I still silently hope that this is all a bad dream and ill wake up and see my son. Anyway, today im sad but im ok.

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