August 19th Monday.

I had every intention of taking Jesse Hanley today to buy him new school shoes but I'm not very well.

My stomach is killing me.

I've spent the morning in pain with my stomach and tears flowing from my eyes.

Everyday I cry.

I'm thinking of ringing The Sutherland Centre to speak to someone about my suicidal thoughts. The Sutherland Center is who I'm under with my psychiatrist. 

I missed my last appointment because my son had just died and I'm waiting for another appointment come through the post.

I just need to speak to someone before it's too late. I'm worried for myself.

A couple of days ago I received through the post the coroners report that will be read out next month in Liverpool. 

I feel like it's triggered my low mood. Having to read about how my son has died killed me inside.

It gives details about how he died and what injuries he had from the fall or jump.

It gives me the address of where he died and I have to stop myself from Googling it because I know it will make me feel even worse. Its broke me reading it but I know I had to read it.

I can barely see what I'm typing I'm crying that much.

Today I'm going to reach out for help before I end up taking my own life.