August 17th Saturday.

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I was meant to be visiting my mum today but I dont feel well. Ive not felt right all week, im so tired. My body feels drained and ive done nothing all week. Ive not left the house in days. I just want to sleep. Grief is really taking its toll on my body. God im so sad inside, I dont know how im ever going to feel better, mentally speaking. My mind and body are so tired. The tiredness that sleeping isnt fixing. I honestly just wish id just die already. I imagine death as being something peaceful. You just fall asleep forever. Im not scared to die, im scared of leaving my kids behind, but I have a child on the other side so it makes you think differently. I want to see my son again but I dont want to leave my other children. I just want to scream at life. Fuck you life!! I fucking hate my life!!

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