August 16th Friday.

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I've done nothing again except feel sad.
I'll be glad get out of the house tomorrow. I'm visiting my mum with my sister and her kids.
Do I want to leave the house? Absolutely not. I just want to lie in bed but I can't. I just want to get in bed, put my head under the covers and stay there. I don't want to participate in life. Has life forgotten that my son has just passed away. Its nearly 11 weeks since I lost my son and the pain is unbearable. It's a task to just get out of bed. Honestly. 
My depression is at an all time low, I feel dreadful everyday.
I was thinking earlier about how fast the days are going and how it will be Christmas soon and it makes me feel even worse. I don't want to put decorations up and buy presents. I literally don't even want to be alive. How could I celebrate anything since my son has died?
I don't want to get old. I feel like I've given up on life. It's scary you know.
It's scary how much I've given up on life.
I don't see a happy ending at all.

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