August 15th Thursday.

Yesterday I told myself I'd leave the house today, but a wave of sadness hit me.

I've done less than nothing.

I've just sat and done nothing except for feeling sad.

I also blogged Yesterday about quitting vaping, yet I went out last night and brought one. Oh well, the thought was there I guess.

I personally think I'd be happier if I was dead because that's how I feel inside. I feel like I died the day my son died.

I'm drowning today.

Everyday is torture since my son passed away.

Some days I'm stronger than I think and some days I sit in my pj's feeling full of sadness.

My 3 boys are here with me, yet I feel so empty inside.

I feel sick when I think that my son is dead, it literally knocks me sick to my stomach.

I go into a lot of detail about how I'm feeling because it's good to get it all out isn't it?

It's only 2:34pm and I just want to climb in bed and just lay there.

I'm tired of participating with life.

Death seems so peaceful. 

Death seems so appealing. 

I know I've got to live this life for my other children. It would destroy them if I selflessly killed myself, so I have to stay strong don't I?.