July 7th 2024 5 Weeks.

Its been 5 weeks since a policeman knocked on my door and I automatically assumed id done something wrong. I will never ever forget the words he said, my son is dead. I rememeber saying it couldnt be my son, I rememeber my hands shaking whilst trying to phone Damian and then having to tell him, his son was dead. It haunts me everyday. Am I going to feel like this every Sunday? My dad died on a Sunday and so did my son. Ive got a scream inside me that know one can hear, a pain in my heart, only a parent could feel after losing a child. I am a broken woman. I never in a million years, think that I would ever lose a child. You see about it on the news and read about it in the papers, but you never once think it would happen to you.. He had so much more life to live, he was only 21 years old. It will be a week tomorrow since the funeral so my sons ashes should be ready any day now. I just want my son home. Ive got no life in me, I feel drained constantly. Ive got no asperations, its like my life stopped the day my son died. It will be 4 years in November since my dad passed away and im sure I was starting to get better mentally, I started to smile again and now im back in that dark place I was fighting so hard to get out of. How am I going to come back from this tradgedy? Everyone keeps telling me, itll get easier.... when though? God I miss my child so much.