July 21st 7 Weeks.

7 weeks since my first born child passed away. 7 weeks without seeing his face or hearing his voice. 7 weeks of heartache and pain. 7 weeks of feeling empty inside. Im in a support group on facebook for bereaved parents, its called 'i miss my son' and there are people in that group that have lost their child years ago and are still struggling with life. Its never going to get better is it? Apparently, we learn to live with the pain but it never goes away. Jesse has gone swimming this morning with Damian and his brother and sister and im stuck indoors trapped in my own thoughts. I need to wash my hair today but we all know my views on that. I hate washing it! Ive done some washing and pegged it out and thats my day. Same shit, different day. Im going out for dinner tomorrow with my ex Zoe, oh yeah, im gay by the way. I came out late in life, i was 32.. im 40 now. Itll do me good get out of the house for a few hours. Zoe and myself started to drift apart when I stopped drinking but we still speak everyday. When I was on holiday she came and cleaned up for me whilst I was away. Im not mentally ready to be in a relationship again, but it will be nice to go out for food and Jesse can play. Its a Wacky Warehouse we're going. I wish I was better mentally, its draining having to fight to stay alive everyday. When I woke this morning, I sat on the end of my bed contemplating life. I have to get up and carry on regardless of how im feeling. My kids really do keep me going. Anyway, id better go tackle my hair.