July 20th Mute.

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Ive been to visit my mum today, not seen her since the funeral and before the funeral it was well over 6 months since I last saw her. It was nice, if only for a couple of hours. I barely spoke whilst I was there, I could cry as I write this. I barely said 10 words, ive got nothing in me anymore. I had nothing to talk about and all I wanted to talk about was my dead son, so I simply didnt talk. Can you stop talking after loss? Can you go mute? It scares me how dead I am inside. Will I ever come back from the death of my child? I have so many questions with zero answers! Arrrrgggghhhhhhh somebody tell me ill get better, please! I cant live the rest of my days feeling how I feel. Im praying I get better mentally before its too late. If somethinig doesnt change I wont be alive come the end of this year, and that breaks my heart. I dont want to die, but I dont want to live like this.

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