July 13th

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I feel a bit better today, im really trying to focus on positive things today but as I sit here and type, I glance across to my sons urn, and a wave of sadness hits me all over again. I use to be thankful for my children that they were all happy and healthy and then one of them died. Im thankful for the 21 years I had with my son. Im thankful for my 3 other children. Im trying to be thankful I woke up this morning. I guess I am.. I get to see my 3 children but its never going to be the same without my son Jay-Dee. I wish someone would tell me im going to get better mentally because living with mental health problems is torture. Ive become so isolated, I barely leave the house because of my anxiety. How do I get out of this hole that im stuck in? Its a dark lonely hole to be stuck in. Im going to make it you know, im determined to make it. I have to make it for my children, they need their mum.

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