June 7th 2024 Funeral Arrangements

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Myself and Jay-Dees dad Damian have been to arrange his funeral this morning..
We have no date yet because a post mortem is being carried out.
I feel sick, I feel numb, I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest, I feel like I've been punched in my stomach.
I'm angry at the world, I'm filled with deep sadness. 
I just want the world to stop and realise that my son has just died.
I feel like time stood still when my baby passed away, the hours are drifting bye and I've no recollection of time.
My world stood still, yet the world around me carried on going.
I'm stuck in a body that just won't die.
The loss of a child is a hurt you could never imagine unless you've lost a child yourself.
We are all devastated. 
I don't think mentally ill come back from this, all I can think about is dying and then I have to tell myself, I have 3 other children that need me.
I'm lost beyond words.
I don't recognise myself anymore. I look in the mirror and I just don't know who I am.
How do you get over so much grief?
How do I carry on when I just want to die?

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