June 10th Day 8.

It's been 8 days and I've still not seen my son. My world feels like its ended. I feel so very lost in life.

I've constantly got tears streaming from my eyes. My beautiful boy has gone and it still doesn't seem real.

I keep hoping its a nightmare I'll wake up from. I don't want see anyone, I don't want leave the house. I just want to die and be with my son and my father.

I don't understand why my son took his own life, he was at a rave doing different drugs. Recreational drugs. He did them at raves, only this time he lost his head early hours of the morning and decided to take his own life.

He left me behind, he knew I was struggling with life and he just left me here.

I was already dead on the inside but losing my child has finished me off. I don't think I'll ever come back from this. I think I'll be lost forever.

I just want to see my child.

I've had to force myself to get out of bed this morning to take my youngest school. Due know how hard it is to get out of bed?

I wake up and I just want to go back bed. I'm trying my best to stay strong for my other 3 children but it's hard. I randomly break down crying. I don't want to do this thing called life, I've had all I can take!

How am I being strong enough to not kill myself? I don't know where the strength is coming from because honestly, all I want to do is die.

My son was 21 years old. His death will never sit right with me. He had so many more years ahead of him.

I am devastated 💔