May 13th 2024 I'm So Unhappy

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I wish I'd of told my dad I loved him more, I just assumed we'd grow old together.
I'm so unhappy without my father.
I don't think I can live this life if I don't get better mentally, I don't want to continue living, knowing I have to battle everyday to stay alive.
I don't know who I am and I've been trying to find me for the past few years.
I put a smile on my face when my kids see me but little do they know, I died too, inside obviously, the day my father passed away.
I get no enjoyment out of being alive and I don't want to live the rest of my life this way.
If things don't get better, I'm scared I'll just give up and leave my children behind with no mother.
I fight everyday for my children.
The only reason I'm still alive is for my children. If I knew they'd be ok without me, I'd happily kill myself that's how depressed I am.
I don't remember happiness I've been sad for that long.

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