Just been the gym for the 2nd time, started doing weights, I really want to tone up and lose weight!
I'm so unfit its unreal. My gaol is to become a healthier happier version of me.
They say healthy body and healthy mind so we'll see. I think i've been eating my feelings to be honest because last year I lost 4 stone and i've gained every single pound back.
To be honest though last year I was that depressed I wasn't eating, sleeping, anything.. that's how I know i'm getting better, my appetite came back this year.
My psychiatrist mentioned weight gain with the Olanzapine but I didn't realsie just how fast i'd gain the weight so its time I nipped it in the bud.
I won'y be going the gym tomorrow because my arms literally ache already and thats from only going twice, told you I was unfit.
Anyway, heres to a happier healthy new me.
June 14th My Son Is Coming Home.
The coroner has rang today and the funeral home. My son will be getting collected from Liverpool, Monday morning. Which means I can hopefully see him Tuesday. Its Friday today. It will be over 2 weeks since I last saw my child. As a mother, my body is yearning to see my son. I just need to hold him and kiss him on his head. I feel sickness to the pit of my stomach, I'm dreading seeing my baby in a coffin, I'm dreading the funeral. This shouldn't be happening. His funeral will be July 1st at 12.15. I just feel numb. Im convinced its not my son and he'll just arrive home at some point.. I feel hollow with a sick feeling in my stomach. A few of my friends delivered me a beautiful canvas of my son this morning. What beautiful, thoughtful people I have in my life. I don't really know how I feel or what to say, I don't understand how I'm still alive. I'm lost...
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