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I had the worst dream last night. I dreamt my dad was poorly all over again and then he died. Its played on my mind all day. I'm having a shit day, I fucking knew the good days wouldnt last!! Fucking sick of it. I hate being mentally unwell, its torture! The house is getting me down, I feel like its only me keeping the house running, everything falls on me.. The washing, the dishes, the hoovering, cleaning the toilets!! Everything I do alone, i've got no fucking life and I am beyond sick of it. I fucking hate being so mentally unwell, i'm sick to death of it. Am I ever going to be happy??? I knew this day would come after having nearly a week of being happy! I know tomorrow might be better again and thats what I have to keep thinking. I need a job, I need a god damn life! This sobriety is fucking shit, I wish I never went sober, I need a drink. I've started smoking too. I wont drink, I wont ruin my hard work but by god some days are so fucking hard!!! I cant wait go sleep to get the day out of the way and hope tomorrow is a better day. Im so fucking lonely!!! I love my kids to bits but I need adult company. God I hope tomorrow is better than today...

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